Being hard on yourself
Today Kristin Neff talks to us about something we all probably do: treat ourselves more harshly than anyone else. (Including our enemies! LOL) I know I’m really hard on myself. I always have been. The pursuit of perfection is difficult. Luckily for me meditating has helped me to keep that nasty little habit in check, for the most part. I really do try to practice self-compassion but I’ll admit that it’s a conscious effort.
In our session, Kristin reminds us that we are equipped with the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. The first puts us on high alert when there is a threat. The problem is that, nowadays, we’re likely not being chased by some huge animal that’s looking for its next meal; we’re stressed for lots of other reasons, like traffic jams and what she calls “threats to our self-concept”. Unfortunately our brains can’t distinguish between physical and mental/emotional stress. She says that feeling like a failure or that we’re not good enough can cause the same physical response as being chased by a grizzly. What’s worse is that, because the trigger is emotional or psychological, we tend to turn on ourselves and self-criticize, replay the situation again and again, or berate ourselves for not handling something in a better way.
The parasympathetic nervous system does the opposite. It’s what calms us down. If someone were to give us a hug, give our hand a gentle squeeze, or place an arm around our shoulders to console us, it can make us feel safe. Our breathing slows. Our bodies relax a little. We often show that we care for others in this way as well. We show compassion for those in need. Kristin says that we can do that for ourselves. We can show self-compassion through touch.
She invites us to take a few deep breaths and suggests placing our hands on our heart and observe what happens. She does pause here and says that not everyone is comfortable with this, so she gives some different suggestions: a hand on the heart and the other on the belly, a self-hug, rocking or swaying, and even touching our face. If none of these works, she offers the simple act of touching or holding something soft that gives us comfort. It could be holding a pet or even a soft blanket. The point is that we should do what makes us comfortable. Kristin encourages us to practice self-compassion through touch whenever we find ourselves stressed out or in need of soothing comfort.
I hope that this session was helpful to you and offered you a simple technique to practice self-compassion. We often have high expectations for ourselves, but we should also practice self-forgiveness and remember to treat ourselves as we would treat a loved one.
Namaste.
#breakyourpatternschallenge
#insighttimer
#selfcompassion
The information provided on this website is intended for educational purposes only and is, in no way, a substitute for professional medical advice. The events, practices, and opinions discussed here are those of the author and should be treated as such. ALWAYS talk with your doctor about conditions, medications, and concerns you have about your health and work together to determine the best course of action for you.
