Giving until we resent people
In today’s session, Dr. Richard Schwartz touches on a rather sensitive subject and leads us on a journey inward to try to understand it and release ourselves from its hold on us. He says that when we give in to someone or something when we really don’t want to or find ourselves constantly taking care of everyone else, eventually it wears on us and could very negatively impact our relationships with others as well as cause us to ignore our own needs. This habit is, of course, learned. Whether it’s the result of societal ‘norms’ or having to take care of your family at a young age but either way it ended up taking over your life. He calls it the “caretaking part” of our personality. The one that wants to help people.
The practice today felt unlike any of the other ones we’ve done thus far. He asks us to sit for a moment and think about the “caretaking part” of us. Are we feeling anything in our bodies? Then he proceeds to ask a long series of questions during which time we must sit still and let the answers come to us without forcing them. He asks if we resent that part of us or do we “value” it? He encourages us to approach the exercise with simple curiosity, without judgment. He speaks as though the different parts of our personalities are separate entities and to treat them kindly, with respect. We direct our focus on the “caretaker” part and ask why it does it. Maybe we ask it what it thinks would happen if it didn’t always take care of everyone else. Hopefully it will shed some light on how it’s trying to protect you. Or why.
Then Dr. Schwartz encourages us to show some gratitude toward this part of us and see what happens. How it feels or “reacts”. Then he suggests asking that, if it didn’t have to play the caretaker any longer, what would it rather do? There may be an underlying fear that if it doesn’t take care of everyone then it would be seen as selfish or people would stop liking it. But he says that if all that were to disappear or be “healed”, what would it do instead? He also suggests that this part of us might come from societal roles that are assigned to us, but he still wants us to ask it how it feels about that. Does it accept it? Or does it resent it?
Finally, Dr. Schwartz invites us to show some compassion toward the “caretaker” and gently let it know that it doesn’t have to do all of this so much any more. Ask it what it wants you to do that it doesn’t need to keep playing this role. He says to thank it for sharing the information with you and remind it that it doesn’t have to carry that burden. It’s ok to keep helping, but it no longer has to dominate your life.
I hope that you found something useful in this session that you can take with you and begin to change the part of you that feels the need to constantly take care of everyone else and start taking care of yourself. Be kind to yourself.
Namaste.
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The information provided on this website is intended for educational purposes only and is, in no way, a substitute for professional medical advice. The events, practices, and opinions discussed here are those of the author and should be treated as such. ALWAYS talk with your doctor about conditions, medications, and concerns you have about your health and work together to determine the best course of action for you.
