Day 2: Name What You Need
Slow breath in. Extend the exhale. Do it again. Then Alex asks us to notice our energy. Not our mood. Our energy. Mine? Pretty depleted, emotionally. Physically? I feel pretty good, actually, especially after yesterday when I spent the entire afternoon planting flowers and giving our little garden a much-needed overhaul. (Wow. I just realized that doing something that I wanted to do makes me feel satisfied and happy. Oh boy . . .)
In Day 2, Alex explains that there’s a type of fatigue that comes with what she calls “overgiving” but there’s also an exhaustion that comes from spreading ourselves too thinly and not getting anything in return. She says, “Reciprocity is important in our lives.” As much as we may not want to admit it, it’s true. When we give of ourselves, whatever that might be i.e. emotional support, time and effort, etc. we hope that it will be returned in kind. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. She asks us to think of one relationship and “feel it”. No judgment. Just notice it. Then she wants us to ask ourselves, “What do I need here?” We don’t need to force the answer or edit it or make it sound like we’re being “the good one”. She just wants us to focus on our own truth. Right now.
Alex then invites us to place a hand on our hearts and reminds us that it’s ok to have needs. We don’t have to share them with others but we need to admit it to ourselves. It’s not selfish to have needs or to want them to be met. Alex then says something that nearly brought me to tears. She said, “Being needed can feel important, yes, but being valued feels different and you deserve to be valued.” She then goes on to invite us to notice where we give and where we receive. This is where reciprocity comes in. Do we feel valued? Do others put as much into us as we do for them? She tells us to note what feels aligned or misaligned. She asks, “Where am I pouring without being poured into?” “What do I need that I have been afraid to name?” Do I feel needed? Absolutely. Do I feel valued? Not so much. Do I express my needs? No way. That’s when I feel the tightness in my chest.
It’s interesting to think about how much we pour ourselves into others yet receive nothing, or not nearly enough, in return. We’ve settled for a different definition of ‘normal’ even though it may be breaking us. This is when Alex reminds us that we are not “needy” and that we are allowed to have needs or to feel valued and experience reciprocity. There’s a part of me that felt anxious, wanting to know how to achieve that end, yet the session was over. She says we’re going to start to dive into it tomorrow. That would be nice . . .
What did you think of today’s session? Are you taking notice of how you’re spreading yourself too thin? Or recognizing your needs and naming them? I’d like to know. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. You deserve it.
#7dayconnectionchallenge
#namewhatyouneed
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