January 9
“Today I will remember that I am in control of my own life.”
Hmm . . . well, let me see here. I’m having some trouble with this one. Not gonna lie. Maybe it’s because I slept terribly last night and started my day as a grumpy lump. I woke up, panicky and terrified, from a dream I don’t remember. I finally fell asleep only to wake up at 3:37. That’s when the hamster wheels in my brain spun out of control. I fell asleep just before the alarm sounded at 4:30, then I fell asleep again. Twenty-five minutes later I jumped out of bed and nearly fell over because I was off balance. I felt like I had no control whatsoever of my body but I knew I had to do my meditation before I got ready for work.
And here he was, Jamie Clements, talking about “purpose” and telling me that I am in control of my own life. Ha! Yeah, right. I wasn’t feeling it.
He started the session by saying that we’re told that purpose is some kind of external ‘thing’ and once we find it, everything will be peachy which, obviously isn’t really true. But he says that, to him, it means that it’s what happens when we’re tuned into our true selves, when all the noise is shut off and we let the truth come forward. He says that, once that happens, we no longer have to live life “on autopilot” and can set our own terms for living. Ha! Yeah, right. (Wait, did I already say that?)
By this time I’m prickly and ticked off but I settle in and follow his instructions through the breathwork so that I can create a safe place for my truth to come through. I inhale deeply, take another quick little breath, then let it out as if exhaling through a straw. I do that a few more times and feel myself relax into the moment. Then, with a hand over my heart, I repeated the intention.
And I felt like a complete liar.
I won’t go into detail but suffice it to say that the past couple of years have not been easy. The things I want to do have taken a back seat to more important, much more urgent matters. As a result, I’ve felt that my life has not been my own. So to say that I am in control of my own life seems a bit of a stretch at the moment. But I suppose that I’ve made the choice to help family rather than pursuing a hobby or another job. So in that respect I have been in control – just not the kind of control I would have hoped. Still, I’ve taken away some very valuable lessons from these choices which have shaped how my husband and I will move forward in life.
So therein lies another lesson, doesn’t it? Though I may not feel like I have had control over my life, it affects how I move ahead and the decisions I make in the future – which I do have control over – and while I may not be doing all the things I want to do right now, I know that if I keep moving forward, being true to myself, and living mindfully I will create the life that I envision for myself.
I hope you have a wonderful evening.
#31dayintentionsettingchallenge
#betrue
#Ihavecontrolofmylife
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